|
cwinthevw
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: cwinthevw
Country: United States
State: California
Gender: Male
Interests: fencing, ultimate frisbee. Movies! Ballroom dancing, club dancing. Rap and hip-hop music. Having fun, really. I also love webcomics, go to www.qwantz.com for some great stuff.
Trying to figure out how to love life but not obsessing over it
Expertise: Running, Fencing. I'm pretty good with stupid movie trivia, because, well, I see lots of stupid movies.
Message: message me
AIM:  cwinthevw
Member Since:
3/4/2004
|
|
| The company I work for is shutting down their school and residential programs due to funding issues, meaning all the school and residential employees, such as myself and my girlfriend Nikki, are being laid off in early June. The only upside to this is that it affords me an easy way out of a job I was starting to hate. Amongst the obvious downsides to this are the fact that I was having money problems anyway; the mental health field as a whole is losing funding; finding a job in mental health that will support me is going to be difficult, finding a mental health job that will support me as well as afford me any sense of being able to even think of taking my relationship with Nikki to the next step will be nearly impossible; Nikki and I both applies to Sac State's Marriage, Family, and Child Counseling Master's program and were both not considered because we coincidentally both had a single letter of recommendation missing (hers eventually arrived, but late, I'm certain my missing letter is courtesy of my current supervisor... with whom I've already had enough trouble [the issue from the last time I posted -2 months ago- was not resolved well]).
Nikki has continually asked me what she can do for me through all this, and the only thing I can think of is: 'pray'. So I come to you guys, as I often do, to pray for me and pray for Nikki. Times are tough. But also praise, as Nikki is gradually re-developing her relationship with God in a church and a worship service she really loves, while she supports me in my search for God through very un-traditional means. I guess that requires some explanation: I've found that I really don't connect in the form of a church service as most people do/(should?). The one thing that has stayed very consistent as a feeling for me that God is around and active is in the intricacies and individuality and awesomeness and wonder of hip-hop. That may sound ridiculous, but it's very real for me. It doesn't even have to be a Christian rapper, the complexity of language and poetry and feeling espoused by positive forms of hip-hop is so inspiring to me of a spiritual presence. I've sort of struggled recently with the idea of if hp-hop is important to me in that way, what do I do with it? Listening doesn't seem like it's enough. Hip hop is more than just music to me, and thats one thing that comforts me in these difficult times. | | |
| hello! I've been gone from the Xanga for too long, dear friends. Ugh. I wasgoing to write a long bit by post about work... Just know that my co-workers are really making my job difficult and I'm too nice, too accompdating, and too stupid to tell my supervisor about it whereas I'm getting snitched on over all sorts of small incidents. Its frustrating. I want them to just leave. I'll deal with having to break in new people on my own because I dont want these two around to teach any new people their bad habits.
Bleh :/ | | |
| bleh. I feel plateaued and stagnant.
| | |
| So my shift leader told me that apparently people at work have been noticing that I've had a little bit of a change in my attitude lately; meaning, I haven't been as enthusiastic at work as I may have once been. And the necessity of her telling me this doesn't come from my co-workers wondering if I'm ok, this is coming from a supervisor-level and apparently if I don't keep it in check I may be getting an upper-management talkin'-to. My response to this is: what the fuck?
I work in an environment where my chief concerns are keeping kids from beating the hell out of each other and keeping them from beating the hell out of myself and my co-workers; I think I'm entitled to a little friggin' discouragement! Especially lately (well not so much this past week, but definitely the weeks prior) when no amount of positive reinforcement attempts help in correcting behavior. I often appeal to reason when I face conflict (which should be the modus operandi for all people, amazing how much it isn't) and there have been a lot of times at work when I begin to do so and end up flinging myself into a brick wall for lack of remembering that these kids cannot reason. I'm a fool for expecting it to work, but I feel like it needs to be introduced at some point in their lives, why not know to some degree? But it's frustrating to tell a child exactly how to earn something really friggin' awesome and they proceed to yell and spit in your face. This job requires some amount of burnout and I think it's ridiculous that my employers have me being watched. It feels like I've been cornered into a sort of role I created for myself when in the first few months of this job everything was new and exciting and I acted as such. The novelty has worn off, and the reality has sunk in that I can try my damnedest to help these kids out, but really, the chances that any one of them is going to be able to live a normal life is pretty slim.
| | |
| ...who have no idea who my girlfriend is but still have an interest in what is going on in my life...
I love Nikki!!
'Tis a bit strange sometimes, to be in love again. It's dangerous. What with failed loves in the past there's this thought of "THIS TIME IT'S GOING TO BE DIFFERENT" (huh, that was almost like a "THIS TIME IT'S PERSONAL" thing...). But then again, what does that mean and how does that affect the relationship? I suppose one answer to that would be to take things slowly, carefully. Well, nuts to that, the reason I'm in this relationship was I was careful to not be careful!* (*editor's note, see previous issue!) So I guess the plan is to just lay all my cards on the table and hope she follows suit. If this really is love, honest-to-goodness, God-given love... well then it's gotta be all-in. I hate poker, why am I making so many card references?!
P.S. I've been telling Nikki the most delightful stories of all of you!!
| | |
|
